When I Close My Eyes (Dylan POV)
by Laheara
Summary: Dylan thinks about what he left behind, his new life and the nightmares it brings. Set after "Angel Dark, Demon Bright". Below this story is a TEASER chapter for a WIP.


Hi,   
This is kind of a contiuation of the Dylan's diary series. This one is set after "Angel Dark, Demon Bright". Thanks to the 8 ppl who reviews my other 2 fics. :D  
This is the last one of my already done fics but I do have a new one in the works. It's about the 3 Andromeda personas and why they fight so much and how they would react to loosing one, namely Rommie, to save Dylan and the ship. A brief teaser is below for this story.  
Laheara  
  
  
  
Title: When I Close My Eyes (Dylan POV)  
Author: Laheara (heather.lively@ns.sympatico.ca)  
Rating: G  
Summary: Dylan thinks about what he left behind, his new life and the   
nightmares it brings.  
Archive: Sure, just tell me so I can visit  
Spoilers: "Angel Dark, Demon Bright"  
Disclaimer: I don't own them I just play.  
*******  
  
  
"The heavens burned, the stars cried out  
And under the ashes of infinity,  
Hope, scarred and bleeding, breathed its last."  
Ulatempa Poetess (CY 9823)  
  
I read that quote before while I was catching up on 300 years of history. It seemed harsh and sad to me. I wondered if the writer really understood the universe in all its glory.  
  
As part of the Commonwealth, I'd had the pleasure of seeing some of the best all races had to offer. When something went wrong, so many were willing to help. A famine, a plaque, a minor war, a natural disaster, they were all met with overwhelming care and thoughtfulness from the worlds of the our empire.  
  
As a High Guard officer I was trained for the worst, able to assume control in a battle situation and kill if necessary. Considering the Commonwealth hadn't been involved in a war in over 1000 years I didn't really worry about that. I've had traders get angry when their shipments where halted and open fire on me before, but usually it wasn't enough to call the ship to battlestations.  
  
I'll admit, when it comes to survival in an unforgiving universe I'm poorly prepared. I guess that's why Tyr and Beka are so hard on me sometimes. I still work under the same rules I did when people still respected each other and there was law, order and peace. Sometimes I even find myself thinking, 'What would Beka do here?' or 'What would Tyr say to this choice?'. Of course if told them that I'd likely never hear the end of it. Even so, we seem to have forged an unsteady alliance so that we don't bite each others heads off anymore.  
  
It's strange you know. When I first arrived here in the future having lost my world and time I wasn't really worried. I was sad knowing I'd never see my family, friends or anyone I knew ever again, but I would say 'I'll make new friends here.' I have made new friends, the crew of the Maru have fit in here well and we all have something to learn from each other which is the mark of a good crew.  
  
Before, the only thing I saw when I closed my eyes were the faces of the people I had lost, and the places. My home with my parents, my own place before I became captain of Andromeda. I can still go to the places but they won't look like they did then; and the people I left won't be there. My parents, Sara, the other crew members I knew well, other High Guard friends... Rhade.   
  
Even with what he did, I still think of him as a friend. The friend who betrayed me and allowed the fall of the Commonwealth. Some friend. I will always hold that against him, but I do remember all the other times we spent together and the friendship we shared.   
  
I remember every moment of that last fight with perfect clarity. He said he tried to warn me that it might someday come to that, but I didn't listen. Now I realize that if there were another way he would have taken it, he didn't want to kill me, he had to. Still, understanding that doesn't make his death, or what he did to me, any easier. I hate him, but I also miss him.  
  
That was before, this is now. I still see those faces and places in my mind, but now when I close my eyes I see something else. I see fire, the burning of the heavens claiming the lives of over 100 thousand people. A fire I started. Now I see 1000 ships being consumed by flames and I can almost hear the screams.  
  
Tyr called me the Angel of Death. That's what I have become. I arrived in the future with the great dream to restore peace, justice and safety to the universe with my new Commonwealth. I didn't know if I was strong enough to do it, but I was willing to try. I think in the few short months we've been together my new crew has adopted my dream as their own as well. We make a good team, even if we don't always agree, and want to scream half the time.  
  
I still don't know how this latest event will effect them, hell, I don't know how it will effect me. How will they adapt to being the crew of the Destroyer of Worlds, or as Tyr called me, the Angel of Death. I still can't believe I did it. Tyr asked me if I really believed that what we did was right ... the truth is I don't know. I know we had to do it to preserve our timeline, but what kind of future is it that we've preserved?  
  
I honestly don't know if what I did was right, and maybe I'll never know. I do know one thing, I never want to have to make a choice like that again. I don't want to have to watch one of my oldest friends be killed before my eyes. To see a group of my old friends come so close that I could have touched them and then have to transit into slipstream without saying a word.  
  
I also have to realize that I'm not the only one who was greatly effected by my choice. When I walked onto the Ops deck and saw Tyr he reminded me so much of how I felt when I first arrived here. I never thought I would see Tyr cry, but he didn't even hide it from me. I guess I've been expecting him to betray me for so long, I've overlooked the fact that there is a real person with real emotions inside him. The rare times he lets that person out, I find that I have a kindred spirit here. I don't know if we'll ever really be friends but I do know I value him as crew member for more then just his tactical skills.  
  
I suppose I could have done much worse since arriving here, so I shouldn't complain. While I do still miss my own time I'm starting to understand this one; with the help of my new friends. However, I still can't shake what I saw in that nebula last week.   
  
When I close my eyes all I see is fire. I miss you Gar, rest in peace.  
  
THE END  
  
Feedback!!!! Feed the starving author!!! :)  
  
  
Brief teaser for my new fic coming out whenever I finish it. :)  
  
Title: Don't Leave Me Like This  
Author: Laheara  
Date: May 20, 2001  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Rommie believes her other AI selves hate her and has been lost with Dylan on what should have been a simple diplomatic mission gone dreadfully wrong. Will the 3 sisters ever be reunited so they can explain how wrong Rommie really is about the way they feel for her.  
Disclaimers: Don't own 'em, but wish I did. Don't sue me, I'm just playing.  
*******  
  
(SNIPPET)  
  
"Andromeda, can you answer a question for me?" Rommie slowly asked her mainframe as she stopped walking toward the Hanger Bay.  
  
The ships hologram came online just to Rommie's left. She stood with her arms folded and looking very iritated at having to come, "What do you want now? I'm busy you know."   
  
Rommie almost let a tear slip, but asked her question, "Do you hate me?"  
  
The hologram shifted position and gave a dirty look, "What are you talking about? Do I need to get Harper to check your cognitive routines again?"  
  
"NO! I'm fine, just answer my question, please," Rommie pleaded before she completely lost control of her emotions.  
  
"What makes you think I hate you?" a monitor came online behind Rommie with her other persona.  
  
"Because you always argue with me and you say that I'm a hinderence to you. 'That android body causes me too much trouble'," Rommie said sadly. The hologram looks a little surprised. "Yes I heard what you said to her," Rommie says pointing at the monitor Andromeda persona.  
  
"You're a part of me, how could I hate you without hating myself?" The hologram asks.  
  
"Maybe because I'm so different from you? I can leave the ship, and interact with the crew in a way you never can. I can feel emotions in a way you never could before I was built. Maybe on some level you hate me for that freedom." Rommie said continuing to walk. She couldn't take her two angry sisters stars anymore so she switched off the monitor and waved at the hologram to deactivate.  
  
"Rommie to Dylan, I'm ready to go. I didn't find what I was looking for but I can do without it for this short mission. I'll meet you on the Maru in 3 minutes," Rommie reported.  
  
"Understood. I'm waiting for you," Dylan responded.  
  
"Wait, we need to talk about this," the ships hologram Andromeda said, as she came online directly in front of Rommie. The android walked straight through her, entered the shuttle bay and boarded the Maru without answering.  
  
(SNIP)  
  
Aproximately two hours later, Andromeda received a message from the High Council of Tiacka reporting terrorist activity at the slipstream portal to their system. The Maru appears to be missing in action and nothing is known of Dylan or Rommie.  
  
(SNIP)  
  
A small indicator lite up on Trances communications station. "We're receiving a recorded transmission. It's from within the debris field. I think it was sent about 45 minutes ago by the strain and time it took to reach us here. Audio only," Trance reported.  
  
"Redirecting feed," Andromeda said quickly.  
  
"Andromeda, this is the Maru. We are under attack, I repeat, we are under attack. The ship is being boarded and I've been separated from Dylan, but I do know that he was injured in a small explosion during the attack. There were just to many of them and they were so fast they completely overwhelmed us before we even knew what was happening." An explosion rings out just behind Rommie's postion but she continues, "I'm trapped on the Maru right now, I have damage but it's minimal. Don't worry about me. You have to get here quickly!! Help Dylan. Don't worry about me, I'm not important, just help him. They scanned for life signs and he was taken to their flagship. From what I heard they have what they wanted and now they are going to destroy the Maru so there is no evidence left." Another explosion, this time much bigger rocks the entire ship. Rommie has to yell to be heard above the noise now, "Andromeda becareful, they came out of nowhere and the attack took almost no time. Even knowing about them won't help you much so make sure Tyr is ... in Command when ... you go ... after Dylan ..." Finally the signal dies with another huge explosion.  
  
"Rommie NO!!" Trance screams as the signal fails. Reb Bem steps closer to hug her as she begins to cry.  
  
After the initial shock, everyone prepares for the search. The ships hologram activates by the window on the Observation Deck. She looks out at the small debris field knowing it isn't big enough to be the Maru or her android self. The fact remained, Rommie was in trouble and so was Dylan. She cared very much for them both, but right now her thoughts were of that last, now painful, conversation.  
  
"Rommie, please don't leave me like this."  
  
(SNIP)  
  
WELL??? Think it'll fly?? I love to hear your opinions on BOTH stories. :D 


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